"Concrete Angel"

As promised...finally a blog about a beautiful song!
Listen to the song as you read

http://youtu.be/KtNYA4pAGjI


She walks to school with the lunch she packed
Nobody knows what she's holding back
Wearing the same dress she wore yesterday
She hides the bruises with the linen and lace, oh

The teacher wonders but she doesn't ask
It's hard to see the pain behind the mask
Bearing the burden of a secret storm
Sometimes she wishes she was never born

Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place
Where she's loved concrete angel

Somebody cries in the middle of the night
The neighbors hear but they turn out the light
A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate
When morning comes it will be too late

Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place
Where she's loved concrete angel

A statue stands in a shaded place
An angel girl with an upturned face
A name is written on a polished rock
A broken heart that the world forgot

Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place
Where she's loved concrete angel


This song is so powerful and I wish that more people took action not only of the physical abuse, but also the verbal and emotional abuse they suspect. Through this whole song, this little girls is ignored, the bruises are ignored, the clothes are ignored. It's very heart breaking and sadly it happens every day to so many children, including mine (past experiences). People need to speak up!

Okay, off my soap box and onto the blog.

Sadly, I can relate to this video, the words sung, and the a million and one emotions. While I was fortunate enough to not suffer the fate she did, I carry emotional scars that I have trouble every day managing. I hid my sufferings, smiled, and pretended like nothing was wrong. I learned how to do that very young as I believe many abused children and even adults learn how to do.

Most of my personal experience has been verbal and emotional abuse with some physical as well. There were times I remember trying to reach out for help, but never really knew what to say or how to say it. The closest I ever came, I was shot down so I really never tried again. I learned how to not cry, take it, and smile. After thinking I had no hope for anything, I left home and went into a situation not much different. I thought it was because it didn't look the same, but still same results. I died more and more inside. I didn't suffer physical death like the poor little girl, but I did die inside.

I know what it's like to feel so black and empty through and through. Trying everything I could think of to diminish any feeling that came up, I developed my eating disorder, ocd, self-harm, and so many other things I could do to cover up the extreme self-hatred. You see, I blamed myself. Everything was my fault. I wasn't good enough, smart enough, quiet enough, perfect enough, pretty enough, thin enough, etc. If I was smarter, prettier, a better housekeeper...maybe then I would be loved, maybe then they would be nice, maybe then they would talk to me, look at me.

I still have nightmares. It's very hard to forget and to believe I am worth anything different. Especially after marrying into a similar situation. When it became different for is when I saw my girls going through hell. They became old enough to express how they feel, and I am so grateful she did. She wasn't afraid to tell me things. Of course it was in little bits here and there, and I regret that I didn't catch on earlier. It was after I started trying to fix the situation, things became worse for me and for my girls.

The harder I tried, the more I died inside. I felt things were only getting worse and all I could do was smile, cover up anything, and walk through each day. I tried for my girls, but when their bruises were seen and nothing was done, I was completely devastated and gave up. Nothing was going to change and I wasn't worth anything different.

I have an angel, just like that little girl did, only mine did not take me to other side...she is someone that did fight for me and speak up and did whatever she needed to. Because of her, I am not dead and my girls and I are in a better situation. Yes, I struggle everyday raising them and figuring out how to be not only an adult, but a parent to children that suffered what they have. It's very difficult to say the least. I fight every day to put one foot in front of the other and to keep myself safe. I also screw up. I make mistakes everyday and fall back down, but my angel is still with me. She never ran away and continues to support me no matter what I do.

No matter who you are, what you have done and experienced, EVERYONE needs an angel. Everyone deserves a chance to learn that they aren't a waste of space, or not good enough, or anything negative. While I struggle everyday still, I still continue to fight with my angel and have hope that someday it won't be everyday. Someday it will just be a story that can encourage others and most importantly, I hope to be someone else's angel.