Thanksgiving

With a lot on my mind lately, I haven't been able to sit and write about the many topics that have flashed through my mind. Since today is Thanksgiving I will simply write about that.

This year is the first year that I have not been around many friends or family. It has just been my girls and I. It's been quiet, laid back and simple. The days leading up to this day, I have felt very sad and unloved. Why am I spending this year alone?

Well, circumstances just don't allow me to be with friends or family. My daughter just had surgery on her knee two days ago. She is banned to the couch to recover and heal. We were given strict instructions that she lays with her knee elevated for at least 4 days or until we see her doctor again next week. It's been rough physically and emotionally on all of us. I won't go into all my emotions, that's all way to personal right now but I will say that I am very thankful for her doctors, nurses, the surgery center, and anyone else that put their hands on her knee. I am thankful that despite the rough wake up, she did wake up. I am thankful that the surgeon was able to to what he needed to fix her knee, cleaned up all the cartilage, fixed the ligaments and tissue, and replaced her knee cap where it is supposed to be. I am thankful that I am able to care for her and provide for what she needs right now.

Thanksgiving is a time to remember how thankful we are for what we have. While I tend to remember these things more often because it helps me in my darkest moments, today especially I have so much to be thankful for. I am most thankful for my three beautiful girls. They have saved my life more than once in ways they don't know. I look at them and see such innocence, happiness, joy, and fun. I see pieces of me which reminds me of the person I am and strive to be.

I am thankful for the few people that have helped my family and I eat, especially these last few weeks. We have been blessed with food and love. The feeling of not being able to feed your children is very defeating but to know I have people in my life that bless me and love me enough to not let that happen is amazing.

I am thankful that I have a roof over my head, a job, hot water, electricity, clothing, a working toilet, air conditioning and heat, a warm blanket and so much more. The simple things that most take for granted everyday and that some don't even have right now. No matter how defeated I may feel at times, I do not neglect to pray for those that have less, those on the streets due to job loss, those with children, those that are being abused by their spouse. My heart and love goes out to all of them and I know without a doubt that when I am in  position to help, I will be first in line!!!

I am thankful for those that have stuck around and still love me through all my yuckiness and self-hatred. I know I don't make the best decisions or choices in my life but I know that I learn from them and grow stronger each day. I am glad that I have people in my life that are still here! I have people in my life that have gone but I still am very thankful for them and glad that they were there despite what has happened and my feelings now.

I can breath, walk, talk, love, smile, laugh, see, smell, enjoy and live...I have so much to be thankful for today!