Healthy?

Finally I am deciding to write about my exact food allergies and intolerance that has caused by body to react the way it has. It actually has been a multitude of things that created the perfect storm for my thyroid to malfunction. I haven't wrote to much about it because of my uncertainty and fear and worry and all that other junk. I still do not know everything about what this all means or if I can really trust my doctor and my body. Mostly my body. I haven't trusted it for a very long time, but then again I haven't done the best job taking care of it. I do know and accept that I have responsibility for it. Now the hard part is to stick to what I need to do for my body and trust that I will feel better and be healthier.

Okay, so foods I need to stay away from....all corn products and gluten and wheat products. Sounds simple right? Nope. If you read labels, you will see that almost everything has some kind of corn or wheat product. Foods that I have been encouraged to eat for so long. Foods that I had to learn were okay to eat. Foods like protein bars, peanut butter, and bread all have ingredients my body does not tolerate. Crackers of any kind, juice, and yes my birthday cupcake. All things I should not put into my body.

My body has rejected it all. Between that and all the stress I have been experiencing, my body is totally out of whack. Severe vitamin deficiency, high cortisone levels, an imbalance of my hormone levels, weight gain, and a low thyroid function. Anger is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what I am feeling about all of it. First came the frustration of trying so hard to learn and be okay with eating the way I was told in treatment and after. I was so anger and confused. I didn't know who to believe or trust. Next I felt really empty. Nothing. Just empty and moving through life. Then came more frustration and anger. I don't know how to eat a new way. I can't afford to go back to my dietitian. I don't know what to do.

Right now I am in acceptance, which is probably why I decided to write about it. I accept that I can not change what I learned and I accept that I can not change what my body needs. I accept that I am the way I am and my body needs what it needs and it is up to me to take care of it.

That's it though. Just acceptance. I still don't know what to do, what to eat, how to figure it out, and so on. I still experience bouts of frustration and anger, which I do not like at all. My body image is so in the toilet that knowing I have to relearn how to eat seems pointless. I do battle whether or not to eat at all. I have had bad days lately in that department. Sometimes I think what's the point? This is a whole new battle I have to fight and I just don't know where to begin.

What I do know is that I want to be healthy and that's where I am going to start.