Through someone else's eyes

So the other day I posted about these days leading up to Mother's Day and my thoughts regarding being a parent. Oddly enough, I had a conversation with one of my daughter's that led me to tears, that same night. It has taken me a few days to process all what was said but I did want to follow up on here. There is hope in being a parent and no matter how I feel, my daughter's words will never leave me.

The conversation started out with a simple question she asked me. Since it's was a very personal conversation, I will be careful in what I say. Anyway, it ended up with me apologizing, again, for her past and childhood. I wanted her to know how sorry I am for not being the mother she deserves and that I didn't protect her from certain things that happened. I went on about how much I love her and appreciate her and notice all she has done and does do for her sisters and I. You see, she has always stood by my side and tried her best as young child to protect me. Anytime I was being verbally attacked, she stood closer and held either my hand or onto my leg so very tight with this look in her eyes. She took blame for things to protect her sisters and she has never really been afraid to express herself. The poor girl witnessed and experienced way more than any little girl should. Anyway, I just told her that I noticed all of it and how much I love her and was so very sorry. I wish that I could have been a better mother and a better person for her and her sisters.

Her response took me by complete surprise. First she told me to quit making her cry. Then she wondered what I was talking about. She said "you are the most amazing mother in the world." What? Really? Does she know who I really am? She also said that I have always been there for her and have always provided all her needs. She did go on with more things and statements, which in turn made me cry. I couldn't believe what she was saying, but it warmed my heart so much.

After picking myself up from the floor and processing the conversation as a whole, I am a proud mom. Despite anything I feel, despite her past, and despite my own personal issues, my daughter sees me as an amazing person. So everyday when I think about how much I suck or regret or feel I can't be a good mom, I just have to remember that through someone else's eyes, I am a different person than what I see.