Eating Disorders

Today I have decided to write about all the media attention eating disorders have been given lately. There have been more and more stars opening up about their struggles, talk shows, like Dr. Phil, talking about it, and early morning news shows bringing attention to it. I think it's great that this illness is coming out in the public eye but I also know there is a long way to go. What I have seen, it seems to generally focus on the stereotype of what an eating disorder is and does not encompass the disease as a whole.

You see, people don't always have to look completely emaciated to have an eating disorder. Sadly, there is this medical list of how you qualify to be diagnosed and treated with one. I know there are people out there that suffer with this disease everyday without being helped because of it. There are people that ignore symptoms, make an excuse for their loved ones, or even encourage certain behaviors thinking they are helping. It's such a complex disease and unless you suffer yourself, there just is no understanding. And those of us that do suffer do have to accept that.

Admitting that I have issues with food is and was hard enough but when I got the official diagnosis, I was devastated. I did not want to accept it or share that news with anyone. It's not something I was proud of. I was embarrassed and shamed. That was until I learned more and more about it. As I kept seeking therapy and we took off layer after after, I was eventually admitted for treatment. There was no keeping it a secret anymore, at least to some people. I still tried to hide it and not let anyone know where I was for so long. I sort of disappeared off the face of the earth for about 6 weeks.

Today I am more open about it and even blog about it. I write because I know I am not the only one the silently suffers with ED. I want others to know that they aren't alone, even if it is a blog on a computer. I currently don't have an underweight body. I have medical problems and issues after years and years of abusing my body. My weight is embarrassing and people that see me would never believe I suffer. I slowly am trying to heal my body and seek the medical attention I need to get my body back in balance. It is something that is still extremely hard for me because I don't feel worth taking care of my body or myself. It's not a simple disease. It's very complex and takes a lot of time to heal from, to recover from.

Maybe I am just saying all this for myself. Maybe I need to be patient with myself throughout my recovery. Maybe I don't even understand what I go through everyday. The truth is I still try to ignore most of it. I try to ignore that there are things, thoughts, and behaviors that are related to ED that I pass off as normal or find some excuse for. I don't want to accept or admit that I have a mental illness, or two or three even, and the label that it provides. I hate the label. But I hate the disease even more and what it has done to my life. I could blame a lot of things and circumstances for it, but it also protected me for so long too. I am so torn, confused, alone, scared, and so much more with all that is involved with my mental illnesses.

What I do wish is that more people are informed and patient and accept that it exists. Especially me.