Sticks and Stones.....

We have all heard the old saying, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me", right? We may have even been taught to say it to those who made fun of us or said things that were hurtful. But is there any truth to this old saying?

I've been thinking a lot about this ever since the video about the judge beating his daughter with a belt surfaced. It's painful to watch and has made me flinch like the rest of the world. As I have seen the news and interviews with the daughter and even the mother who joined in the beating, it has brought up a lot of feelings and a lot of thinking.

Why is it that it is so easy to stand up and say it is wrong to hit someone repeatedly with a belt but not so easy to stand up and say that it's wrong to verbally abuse a child or any person for that matter? I understand that one is visible and the other is not. I understand that it is harder to prove one over the other. I also understand that the world doesn't see the verbal or emotional as abuse the way they see the beating in the video. This is a very hard topic for me as I have experienced both. But from my perspective the verbal and emotional is worse and much more difficult to overcome.

I have fears of touch yes, but I struggle everyday with words that haunt me every minute. I also watch this borderline abuse almost daily in my children. I say borderline because I am not sure where the line is when you call it abuse or being inappropriate. I cry myself to sleep at night knowing there isn't anything I can do about it. I am sad knowing that my girls will grow up with thoughts and words that will haunt them also. Knowing that it may just as hard if not harder for them to let go of the words they have been told.

Every minute of everyday there are people that suffer in silence with these words. These feelings of low self-worth, hopelessness, self-hatred, lack of trust in people and the world, fears, and so many more stick with people so badly that they believe them and begin to act out. They act out in eating disorders, in drug addictions, in alcohol addictions, in self-harming behaviors, sexually and so many other ways. People quickly judge these behaviors and don't think of what is underneath them. The cry for help and love and attention and acceptance that the person so desperately wants. The covering up of the the horrid self-hatred and hopelessness that people feel. And why? All because someone they love and trusted told them they were ugly or worthless. Someone that was supposed to love and care for them tied them to a bed and told them they could never love them and that they weren't as good as someone else. That they could never measure up or would never be someone when they grew up. The words go on and on and on. The phrases continue to replay in our minds as young children until they become who we are.

Whether we have been beat or told horrible things....we suffer. It's not fair that so much attention is brought to a beating but no one likes to talk about the verbal and emotional abuse that goes on all to often. Where are the videos of a mother belittling her child? Where are the videos of a father telling his son he'll never be good enough? Where are the videos of the words?

The new perspective in all of this? I don't know. Maybe it is something as simple as not judging other's behaviors or speaking out a little more about the words. I don't know if videos will ever surface of the verbal abuse of a parent or if the judicial system will ever take it more seriously but I do know that it is real and unless people speak out more, there will continue to be little attention on the words.