So yesterday was my birthday and I actually had a lot to write about. Several different topics rolling around in my head all day making it difficult to pick one. As the day ended and I got home from work, chaos hit the fan! During all the chaos, the dog was out to go potty and took off into the street. Needless to say, he got hit by a car and the next thing I hear is him yelping/crying. He took off and hid somewhere, according to a witness. My girls immediately go into a crying and I go in search of the dog along with a few neighbors who saw the whole thing. I hold in many emotions and continue to look despite not knowing where to look. Finally a neighbor spotted him but he wouldn't go to her and she told me where he was. I went that direction and saw him sitting there in the dark and scared. He hesitated at first then realized it was me and slowly crawled into my arms. He was dirty, bloody, and shaky. I carried him to the car and took him to the Animal ER. We were there until 12:30 and Chippy is fortunate. Nothing broken or no life-threatening injuries. He is just bruised, scraped, and scared. So I skipped the special cake a friend made for me and we all crawled into bed unsure of what this morning would hold. My girls all got up and went school, I am so proud of them. And I came back home and crawled back into bed with the dog.
So anyway, I tell you all this because that was just a small part of the chaos. There was chaos that led up this incident and while I sat in the animal ER, my brain went through so many emotions and thoughts that I had to hold back tears. I wanted to cry out of anger, not at the dog or the fact that he got hit and we were spending the night at the vet. I was angry at so many things. I was angry that I had a cake at home I couldn't eat. I was anger the day did not go the way I wanted it to go. I was angry that my coworker called me last minute to tell me she didn't want to switch shifts. I was angry that I spent the night at work and not at home. I was angry at a certain person for the way he handled the dog situation. I was angry that I can't handle chaos. Then I tried to figure out how to eliminate the chaos in my life. I thought of moving across country, or at least a different state. I thought of yelling and screaming. I thought of anything I could do to make it all go away. I was tired and upset that my birthday was a fail.
But was it? Let's look at it from a different perspective. I woke up yesterday with 3 beautiful girls that I am so blessed having. I took them to school and came home and was grateful that I could spend another couple of hours in bed. Getting more sleep is a luxury. I received many facebook "happy birthdays" and texts and phone calls of people that love and care about me just to say Happy Birthday. The day before a friend took me to breakfast. The day before that I was blessed with groceries to feed my girls. Kirsten was blessed with the funds to get her outfit for her first performance on Friday night. My girls got to spend an afternoon at a friend's house carving pumpkins and making caramel apples. And last night I was blessed with a beautiful cake. Oh and I got a Peppermint Mocha!
Because of the love languages, I learned that I am a gift giver. So when it comes to birthdays, celebrations, or even just because I love to give and receive gifts. The days leading up to my birthday I tried so hard not to be sad knowing I wouldn't get any gifts. Knowing that I couldn't go spend the day at the beach, which is what I really wanted. But when I stop to think about these last few weeks, I got everything I wanted and more. I wanted to be able to feed my girls. I wanted to be able feel loved. I wanted to have a cake, a red velvet one. And I wanted to feel joy. I have been blessed beyond measure this year and wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I did learn some more lessons along the way that I need to figure out and deal with, but hey, all in all it was a great birthday.
I don't need expensive gifts or lavish vacations. I don't need big parties with balloons and lots of people. I need the joy in my heart of knowing that all is well and my girls are okay.
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