So if you read last night's post, you'd know that I was very angry and upset. After writing, I went to bed still frustrated and angry mostly with myself. Angry that I can't make better choices, angry with the choices I have made, angry at my situation as a whole, angry that I am who I am, angry that I can't be the person I want to be, and so much more. Nothing seems to be going right. My phone isn't working, bills are piling up, work is chaotic, kids are having struggles, and I just can't keep up. I am done.
I don't know what else to do at this point. I thought things were supposed to get better if I started doing the "right" things, but that isn't the case. So after repeatedly telling myself the things I am thankful for in this moment I finally got some sleep. This morning I still feel very defeated. I did apologize to my children and am trying to start the day off with a smile on my face. All I can do is be thankful in the moment.
Like right now I am thankful that even though my phone doesn't work, I can still communicate through email and facebook. I am thankful that I have gas in my car and a job to go to. And I am most certainly thankful for that cup of coffee I will have once I get to work!
No matter how bad things are or seem, I have to remember the good things. I have to remember my thankful list because it's that list that will save me from completely losing it and acting out on all my old behaviors.
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