Emotions?

This morning I witnessed a very sad event that involved a dog being hit by a car. I stopped to see if I could help and so did a few other people. As the lady walking this dog scooped up her what seemed to be lifeless pet, jumped in a car with both her dogs. I had so many emotions run through me all at once. This poor dog was on a leash and with his owner and another dog. I couldn't believe it. I don't know if this dog will be okay but I hope and pray for the family's sake he is.

I immediately flashed back to when my dog, Chippy, was hit. He was hit because he escaped my home and ran into the street. Fortunately, after over an hour of looking for him, I found him sitting under a car and he hobbled over to me and jumped in my arms. I took him the animal er and much to my surprise only had some scrapes and bruises and a little swelling. My girls and I brought him home and nursed him back to health. I am so happy that he is fine and enjoying his new life with his new family running around in a big yard with two cute little boys.

Anger also hit me. Why can't people be more careful? This dog was on a leash with his owner going for his morning walk. He didn't run into the street or escape his front door. Why is that "we" are always in a hurry and aren't paying enough attention not just to people walking their dogs, but also children walking or biking to school. I am angry that so many children have been hit and even killed by drivers not being careful. It is our job and responsibility as drivers to pay attention and slow down around children and yes, even pets. So put down your phone, your breakfast, your makeup, and whatever else you are doing and pay attention to the road.

Of course sadness overwhelmed me for several reasons. Seeing the poor dog being held by his owner looking lifeless. What did he do to deserve to be hit on what is probably the best part his day? I am sad for the owner. The emotions that she must be feeling and the not knowing what to do. I have been there and know what it feels like. After all she was not near her home and she had another dog with her. I am sad for any other family member that the dogs live with, if there are any, especially if there are children that love that dog. The sadness they will all feel if he doesn't make it. I am sad for the other dog that will miss his playmate. I am sad for the driver that did hit him. I am sad for all the people that witnessed this event. And yes, I did cry.

Which is what brings me to why I decided to write about it. In the past, I wouldn't have cared. Well, that may not be entirely true, I would have cared but not cared, if that makes any sense. Not because I lack compassion or empathy but because was sick. Emotions were non-existent. Through out recovery I have been learning that it's okay to experience my emotions but I have struggled and struggled with this concept. I have reached a point of being stuck in my recovery and haven't been able to jump over the line to keep going.

I cried this morning and have cried the last few weeks more about things that I have not cried about before. Well, really I just don't cry. I have been told the last few years that it's okay to cry and let go of my emotions. Phrases like, crying is healing have been thrown my way. My response has always been, well it might work for you, or I just don't cry, or even my tear ducts are broken. But lately....what is going on? Well, with my recent blood tests and having some answers to what has been going on with my body has me doing some different and new things to get my body back in balance. Well, it seems to be working. I am feeling emotions I haven't felt before, have more energy, and am able to focus a little more. It's a whole new world for me and sometimes, well all the time, I feel a little crazy. It's a new stage in my recovery and as of right now I don't know what to do. But I will know what to do and am willing to learn.

I will end by saying first of all, drivers be careful! And second, I never thought it would be possible for my body to get back in balance but it is and I am willing to keep fighting for myself, whatever that looks like.